Bug bites are no joke,but exterminationmethods sure are funnyOur Indian Summer this year has been beautiful, but I’ll go out on a limb and say I’m more than ready for a good, hard freeze.It’s high time for all winged insects — especially Asian Lady Beetles — to meet their fateful icy graves.It seems odd that such a pretty little bug with such a feminine name can so effectively ruin fall. I put my deck staining project on hold, because the result would have been a unique polka-dot finish.Others who completed outdoor projects or tried to simply enjoy the weather had miserable reports of painful bug attacks, many of which occurred inside their clothing. … And scientists say they’re "harmless."It’s no joke that the Lady Beetles are ruining fall, but what’s funny is how people are coping with them and combating them.oElectric bug zappers: This is one my parents swear by. Mom says the dead bugs are dropping like … well … flies, and none are clustering in ceiling corners.The zapper sits up high in the kitchen on top of the microwave, and it’s reportedly busy all day long.As effective as this sounds, I can envision a few drawbacks. … For example, the microwave is positioned over the stove, and they have to turn the zapper off when preparing food down below.This is a good thing, because a lady beetle flew in my mouth last week, and believe me — its instinctive "frightened" spray tastes as bitter as it smells.oDiesel fuel: I got a call last week from a local man, whose name I’ll courteously withhold, very excited to report he’d found a solution to the Asian Lady Beetle problem.I laughed out loud at his discovery, but as it turns out he wasn’t kidding.He doused the entire exterior of his house with diesel fuel. "You should see it out here," he said. "There are dead bugs piled up everywhere."I couldn’t resist asking what his house now looked like or smelled like. He replied that he’s not one of these hoity toity $200,000 homeowners concerned about appearances. All that really mattered is that he’s winning the battle against the bugs.oDuct tape: Upon noticing a steady stream of tiny speckled domes parading through the corners of our sliding patio door, I locked it and sealed the crevices with tape.I couldn’t find the duct tape, which would do a much better job, but an hour and a roll of masking tape later I had sealed the inside of the door all the way around.Granted, no one can use the door, and it sure doesn’t look pretty, but I must say the parade has dwindled to only a few persistent ladies now, as opposed to the previous daily grand parade.oVacuum nozzles: For those of us who don’t have bug zappers and who’d rather avoid diesel fuel and poison, the recommended approach to controlling the beetles is the common household vacuum cleaner.It’s perplexing to me that a bug who can squirm through a crack in the siding can’t escape from the inside of a vacuum cleaner bag, but it does work.I just wish I had a safer method for sucking them off the ceiling corners. I’ve been known to balance precariously on a kitchen barstool with the upright vacuum in one hand and the long attachment in the other, during what often appears to be an exercise in futility. Whatever the method, whatever the weapon, we can all take heart in the fact that lady beetle season is drawing to a close.If nothing else, we’ve gained a new appreciation for living in a state where the climate kills off or sends into exile most living creatures for six months out of the year.Thank God! Bring on the snow, I say. Let the killing begin.
