‘Did you find everythingall right?’ … ‘Will thatbe all for you today?’I’ve been wondering for a long time who writes the script for check-out clerks at grocery and department stores.They all say the same thing, usually one of two phrases: "Did you find everything all right?" and "Will that be all for you?"I always feel kind of bad for them, too, because I can tell they’re intelligent, thinking humans, but they’re programmed to say such robotic things.Most are able to pull it off in a friendly tone that sounds more like a greeting than a question, but I’m always tempted to respond with an answer that would illustrate how ridiculous the question is."No," I could say. "You know, I didn’t find everything all right, but I decided to get in this long line at the cash register and wait to tell you about it. Would you mind helping find the Knox gelatin?"Another robotic check-out clerk greeting is: "Is this all for you?"Whenever I get that question I always reply, "Yes, this is all. Thank you."But I’m really wanting to say something like: "No. This isn’t all of it. I thought maybe you could ring up half now, and I’ll come back later and get the rest."I never say these really snotty things, because I understand it’s not the poor check-out clerk’s fault.Since they all say the same things, I can only assume some corporate attorney decided these are the most politically-correct, socially safe ways to greet customers.It was probably in response to some checkout disaster. Maybe some chatty check-out clerk, left to his own conversational devices, unintentionally offended a customer.It probably went something like, "Hi there! Lots of Ho-Hos in the cart – looks like someone’s cheating on her Weight Watchers points this weekend!"Or maybe it was something like, "Generic beer … What kind of red neck drinks generic beer from a grocery store?"Or worse, it could have been something like, "Yep … Nothing like a good old-fashioned bowl of Raisin Bran to get things moving. Good luck!"Thus, check-out clerks everywhere are instructed to say, "Will that be all for you?" or, "Did you find everything all right?"It’s much safer, after all, to err on the side of robotic and moronic than to risk being offensive.I might suggest, however, a simple, "Hello. Thanks for shopping with us today."Please stop harassing the runnersSpeaking of offensive, apparently too many people missed my column about bike path etiquette.Apparently there’s a general belief that because the brand new Blue Mound Trail exists, that we must all restrict our recreational walking, running and biking to the path only.As I clearly pointed out in my Aug. 21 column, speaking for many runners everywhere, it’s best to avoid hard surfaces on a regular basis.Many of us use the path for low-mileage runs, but most days, runners (and their joints) prefer the more forgiving surface of a gravel road or a shoulder of a road.A few motorists have been rudely gesturing us toward the bike path when they meet us jogging on the shoulder of Blue Mound Avenue north of Luverne. One crazy guy nearly ran me over while pointing madly in the direction of the path.Again: Just because we have a Blue Mound Trail doesn’t mean all bikers and pedestrians must use the Blue Mound Trail.
