Letting go isn’t fun for me. I’d rather cling. That’s why putting my house on the market has given me mixed feelings. On one hand, it’s a wonderful way to avoid the responsibility of maintenance, pay off some bills (hopefully), and force myself to have a rummage sale. But on the other hand, it’s my house … and I won’t have a place to call my own anymore.There are certain things I will miss: like climbing the spiral staircase at the end of the day to the loft where I watch TV or work at my computer; the pretty chandelier over the dining table that took so long to afford; the color of the walls I painstakingly chose (not too sunny, not too mustard-y yellow); the way the kitchen always feels bright and clean; the handy storage spaces. Maybe I should have replaced the carpeting on the stairs or put a shower in the upstairs bathroom, but those are things someone else can address.What I have to address now is accepting the fact that people will traipse through my house (for who knows how long?) until it’s sold.I’m afraid to hear that potential buyers are turning their noses up at the paint color, or that they disagree with my choice of laminate flooring, or that they can’t wait to replace the chandelier. I feel like hanging notes around the house like, "The kitchen appears very small, but it’s truly handy, and I managed to cook many extravagant meals in it."When the house is finally sold, my fear turns to finding a decent place to rent.But although I readily admit that letting go is difficult for me, it’s not as if I will have a completely new start. I’ll still take with me all the things that made the house my home. I’ll have my favorite things: dishes, furniture, pictures and family memorabilia. And with a rummage sale and some give-a-ways, I won’t have anything I don’t want or need anymore.I’ve thought long enough about selling the house to realize it’s what I need to do. I just stopped enjoying things about homeownership that I thought were important before. Even so, Sunday afternoon I enjoyed time as a homeowner like I haven’t in a while. I spread a quilt on the lawn, sipped Diet Mountain Dew and ate handfuls of sunflower seeds while enjoying the warm sun and a few chapters of "East of Eden" — all in the semi-privacy of my own back yard.Then I went inside and remembered that I haven’t paid for my newly-installed bathtub fixtures yet, nor have I settled up with my lawnmower boy, who gave me the freshly trimmed grass to lie on. Yes, it’s time for me to take a break from homeownership.In real estate terms, the house is cozy, efficient, cute and move-in ready. But to me, it’s a responsibility that someone else can have … for the right price.
