I didn’t even mail a Christmas letter to some of my closest friends and family members this year. Why? Because they know all the bad stuff that I wouldn’t include in the letter, so the updates on my life would sound phony.I wrote that I loved my job and that volunteer activity keeps me challenged. I didn’t include that my coworkers are crazy and that the Council For Arts and Humanities is barely paying its bills.The letter said my husband and I are enjoying life in our happy little household, spending weekends cooking breakfast in bed for one another. I didn’t write that I’ve packed on the pounds, and that we seriously need to paint our happy little house before the neighbors start a happy little petition.I didn’t include my bad back or my husband’s sinus troubles. So really, the 2003 Christmas letter’s target audience was great-aunt Margaret. I didn’t even let my parents see it because it was riddled with so much Christmas charm that a candy cane would seem sour next to it.Our letter was called "The Strong Times" with, of course, a newspaper layout. There were clever headlines and nice pictures, and even a volume number at the top.I didn’t make it long and painful to read by any means, but those who hear from me on a regular basis wouldn’t get much from it. The real reason to send a Christmas letter is to mail a bit of love and greetings to people who are in your thoughts, but seldom in your presence.We’ll leave complaints about bad backs and credit card debt to the daily correspondence.Go ahead, make funI heard that Jeff Foxworthy is a popular North Dakota entertainment attraction at — where else, but the casinos. Foxworthy is famous for his "you might be a redneck if…" routine.As a North Dakota native, I knew some Minnesotans would enjoy a part of his act, even though you could substitute our state for most references.oIf you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in North Dakota.oIf you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because Grand Forks is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in North Dakota.oIf you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy," you might live in North Dakota.oIf you think a basketball team consists of twelve white boys, you might live in North Dakota.oIf your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in North Dakota.oIf someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in North Dakota.oIf your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in North Dakota.oIf you have apologized to a telemarketer, you might live in North Dakota.oIf you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk, you might live in North Dakota.oYou have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in North Dakota.oIf you have either a pet or a child named "Kirby," you might live in North Dakota.oIf your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in North Dakota.oIf you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in North Dakota.oIf you know how to say Bottineau, Burleigh, Monango and Wyndmere, you might live in North Dakota.oIf you grew up thinking rice was only for dessert, you might live in North Dakota.oIf you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in North Dakota.oIf you can't enjoy your patio during the summer for fear that the mosquitoes will carry you away, you might live in North Dakota, or Minnesota.
