One of the Bible passages I like to use for wedding meditations is Ephesians 5 verses 1 and 2; it reads, "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Certainly marriage is about love and sacrifice. God, through Jesus, models for us the meaning of generous, self-giving love for the well-being of another. I don’t believe I have ever seen a marriage fail where that ideal of love was lived and practiced. The difficulty with marriage is that this principle is very difficult to live out. We are programmed to be self-centered and self-focused in our lives. [This is what is called original sin. We are by nature sinful.] It takes a lot of effort, and I would also say grace from God, to overcome our selfish tendencies. Sometimes I do reasonably well at it and other times I fail miserably. My intent for this article was to share some random insights from marriage renewal seminars that I’ve attended through the years. (The above was an unplanned introduction but from my heart and perhaps connected to the first insight.)1. No marriage is perfect. It is a daily creation, not a packaged product. It is like a child who needs to be picked up and hugged and given personal attention. It is a pledge of mutual fidelity and a partnership of mutual subordination.2. The secret of a good marriage is change. We need to be risk takers in marriage and in life. There needs to be adaptations to one’s life situations and experiences. One cannot be rigid and inflexible regarding relationships or approach to living if one is to have a good marriage. Learn how to adjust and adapt to each other.3. Differentness is another way of saying individuality. We were created as irreplaceable individuals, different from any who have gone before or who will appear later. This is a frightening thought to insecure people who have not realized that God considers each person to be an individual of unique worth. There are no superior or inferior people in the marriage relationship.4. Freshness in marriage comes by building and increasing intimacy. Intimacy involves a very personal, special emotional closeness. It involves understanding and being understood. Intimacy is composed of mutual caring, trust, responsibility, and open communication of feelings, emotions, facts and experiences in an undefended atmosphere. For most males this emphasis on speaking verbally our feelings, emotions, and needs takes an inordinate amount of effort. But it is effort that pays great dividends in creating an intimate marriage. H. Norman Wright, a noted Christian marriage counselor, calls ‘communication the key to marriage.’ Compliments, affirmation, appreciation, praises are needed by each spouse from the other spouse. "Basement people drag us down, balcony people pull us up." Marriages that are happy and fulfilling are composed of two balcony people.5. Christian marriage is a total commitment of two people to the person of Jesus Christ and to each other. It is a commitment in which there is no holding back of anything. A Christian marriage is similar to a solvent, a freeing up of the man and woman to be themselves and become all that God intends for them to be. Marriage is a refining process that God will use to have us become the man or woman God wants us to become.Marriage is meant to be beautiful and magnificent but it takes dedicated effort. May the love you have for your mate be wondrously alive, growing and mutual.
