By Sara Strong Divorce rates in Rock County may not quite meet the national average of almost 50 percent — but that doesn't matter to the children of parents going through one. A local class tries to help divorcing parents get through the toughest times, and reminds them that their most important roles aren't as spouses who don't want to live together anymore.Southwest Mental Health Center Counselor Mary Gehrke is a presenter in the class. She said, "Marriages may not survive, but parents are parents forever."This year’s program was coordinated by Rock County Social Worker Vicki Henderson. She said, "Several years ago, there was a large need — and at that time, Rock County saw the need, and Minnesota Extension Service was developing a program." For seven years, local people have benefited from the class. It covers six topics in three nights and is offered once a year, but the deadline to register this time around has passed. The class is court ordered in many cases, but anyone can enroll, and it was advertised this year.No more ‘middle man’Gehrke said, "If you have kids under age 18, you have to figure out how to do it, because, notoriously, children get caught in the middle."Gehrke will talk to the class about emotions that adults and children experience during and after a divorce."We know that temper tantrums in adults tend to make things worse and make their feelings of anger last longer," Gehrke said. "It's not like toddlers who express themselves and feel better."Gehrke will teach participants ways to diffuse anger."We recognize that anger is a choice," she said.Gehrke suggests participants learn alternative ways to express themselves and work out the anger — by writing a letter you'll never send, cleaning the house, or exercising.Gehrke said humor in her portion of the presentation helps the class.Unlike some classes, participants won’t be engaged to participate in the class because privacy is respected, she said.In fact, couples are encouraged to participate in separate classes so conflict won’t arise.The balancing actThrough his line of work, Rock County Family Services Director Randy Ehlers sees divorce and its effect on children. His presentation will urge parents to keep the peace and maintain routines through separation and divorce.He said, "Kids are real resilient, but they need a lot of care and nurturing through the process."Ehlers said that in some ways, children feel grief during a divorce, similar to what they’d feel at the death of a loved one."The main thing to keep in mind is the process," Ehlers said. "Both sets of parents have the opportunity to lessen this grief. ... And it’s so important to never use children as pawns or to relay information to parents."Ehlers illustrates in the class that it’s important for both parents to have similar house rules so visitation doesn’t break routine for children.Divorce often means change of school and friends, or the introduction of step-families for children."It’s important to have consistency between households so it’s not confusing," Ehlers said.Presenters will be regional and local experts in various fields.Gehrke said, "The program is nice because there's quite a few local, knowledgeable people who will share their information. People might have wanted this kind of information, and didn't know where to go for it before."Other presenters are: Vicki Henderson, on pathways to moving on; Shirley Anderson-Porisch, an Extension Educator from Lyon County, on household management; Pam Nelson, financial director at Rock County Family Services, on general financial assistance through state programs; Terry Vajgrt, assistant county attorney, on legal issues; Jean Henrichs Laudon, on child support issues; and lay minister Judy Wiley, on mediation.Rock County's class draws people from area counties that don’t offer similar programs.
