Appropriate beachwear may not be a political issue this year, but it continues to be a controversial topic. A few years ago, one Florida county gave serious thought to limiting how much buttock surface could be exposed by young women wearing thongs on its beaches. More recently, a Romanian resort announced that it hopes to make going topless at its beach a crime for women over the age of 60. Yes, a crime. According to The Week magazine, "Tourists and cops have complained that it’s ‘repulsive’ to see so many grandmothers sauntering around without their bathing suit tops." "Going topless has its age limit," noted the local police chief, "and old women should understand this." First of all, as a member of this particular age group, I find the "old women" label to be more than slightly offensive. Although it’s personally difficult to imagine prancing around topless anywhere in public, certain pursuits of happiness must be defended. This is especially true when there clearly are unfair, double standards involved. One case in point would be a recent article in The Wall Street Journal, which pointed out that the most popular waist size for men’s trousers in 1985 was 32 inches. The average waist size jumped to 36 inches in 2003. It might be argued that men’s waist measurements tend to be vague. Depending on where a heavier man might wear his waistband — above his belly, around the largest circumference, or magically suspended beneath the abdomen — there might be a size span of at least 20 inches. A man might wear the same size belt as a 300-pound middle-ager that he wore as a 135-pound senior in high school. Women’s waistbands don’t have that flexibility. There are millions of overweight, out-of-shape, men of all ages out there, even in Romania, and no one is telling them to cover up. In addition, many women are less endowed in the chest area than some of the topless male sunbathers on the world’s beaches. USA Today recently reported that 70 percent of women own a two-piece swimsuit, including 42 percent of those who describe themselves as "obese." We can only surmise how many of those tops are flung aside on beaches for tanning purposes. A truce should be called and perhaps the lessons learned by seeing topless, "more seasoned" women at beaches should be held up high for all to see. For example, if "reality TV" is all that acceptable, what could possibly be wrong with reality on a beach? We have been told for the longest time, "If you’ve got it, flaunt it." What about the flaunting rights of people who’ve got too much or too little of it? (For that matter, what is "it"?) Tan lines should be equal opportunity options. Perhaps the greatest lessons taught by so-called "sauntering grandmothers" on beaches apply to young women. By seeing mature women for what they really are, younger women will realize that beauty is only skin deep. They will understand how important it is that they stay in school, work hard and not rely quite so much on their physical appearances to get ahead in the world. Taut skin and perkiness are short-lived in the larger scheme of things.
