It’s possible to know too much about cows. Professor Christine Nicol from England’s Bristol University has new research indicating that cows experience complex emotions. A popular expression, "contented as a cow", may be part of some great rural myth. According to the studies of Nicol and her colleagues, "Cows have a secret mental life in which they bear grudges, nurture friendships and become excited over intellectual challenges." Perhaps we shouldn’t be all that surprised that cows are capable of swinging their moods as well as their tails. Consider, if you will, the derivation of the word "moody." When people long ago (people usually referred to by dictionary editors as Old French or Middle English) tried to come up with a word describing negative feelings, the end result was "moody." The word is clearly derived from the sound (moo) made by a cow, apparently recognized throughout history as a very emotional, complex animal. As Cliff from the old TV series "Cheers" might have noted, it’s also a little known fact that the word experts considered many other words based on barnyard animal sounds before they settled on "moody." The word possibilities included "woofdy", "meowdy" and "neighdy." However, none of those words could convey sullenness, emotion or stress. "Meowd swing" wouldn’t denote the same message as "mood swing." It’s no coincidence that human babies who cry almost nonstop during their first four months of life are said to have colic. Colic sounds like cowlick, the word used to describe hair that stands up when it should lie down and looks like it’s been licked by a cow. Crying and cows. Connect the dots. We should have noticed the complex, temperamental nature of cows when so many of them were named Bossy. When we get terribly upset about circumstances in our lives that can’t be changed, we are often reminded, "You can’t cry over spilt milk," yet another link to emotional cows. In recent years cows have had unusually high expectations slapped upon them by the Dairy Herd Improvement Association (DHIA). It can’t be fun to wake up every morning knowing that you’re not going to have a moment’s peace until you have personally turned over 45 pounds of milk. Cows might bear grudges because of the disproportionate numbers of males and females in their dairy herds. When you are only one in a bevy of bovines, competing for the attention of a single bull, life must be stressful. It’s no accident that we turn to complex cows for such troublesome words as cowardice, milksop, Milquetoast and milk-livered, all having to do with weak, timid characteristics. The next time you see a cow chewing her cud, which may be nothing more than a nervous, repetitious habit, remember that she has a secret mental life. She is capable of bearing grudges, nurturing friendships and becoming excited about intellectual challenges. Rather than aimlessly chewing her cud, the cow might prefer to be playing Trivial Pursuit with some other gals from the herd. And who knows? She might even be a bad loser.
