If what recently happened in New Zealand is any indication, the way we resolve conflicts may soon change. According to Reuters news services, a $112,000 dispute between two telecommunications companies in that country was settled out of court in a most unusual way — a best-of-three arm-wrestling match. The chief executives of the two companies rolled up their sleeves and arm wrestled in an attempt to save legal expenses. "Sure, losing hurts," the defeated chief executive told Reuters, "but not nearly as much as paying lawyers bills." On a larger scale, arm wrestling could be a much more cost-effective way for our own country to settle courtroom disputes, elections and even international conflicts. In the long run, it may change the way we select our political leaders. The changes in our judicial system would be immediately obvious. Courtroom bailiffs, after setting the scene with their traditional cries of "Oyez, oyez, oyez!", would admonish plaintiffs and defendants in the courtroom, "Roll up your sleeves and keep your elbows on the tables." The judges-turned-referees would exchange their stately, black robes for black-and-white striped referee shirts. With several tables set up in the same courtroom and a referee assigned to each table, many cases could be settled at the same time, significantly reducing the long lists of cases waiting to be tried. A judicial system based on strong handgrips and upper arm strength would give new meaning to the expression, "the long arm of the law. " The arm wrestling approach to dispute resolution could extend beyond the walls of the courtroom and into local, state and national elections. Instead of running as traditional Republicans, Democrats and Independents, candidates would run for office as heavyweights, welterweights and lightweights. Brawn would replace brains, which already have been in painfully short supply in many elections. Instead of wearing three-piece suits and engaging in dreary political debates in New Hampshire, oil-coated presidential candidates would show their stuff at glitzy body-building contests held in Las Vegas. In an interesting twist, former Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura may have been a wave of the future. Eventually, wars and summit meetings could be replaced with arm wrestling contest between world leaders. It would no longer be necessary to spend countless billions of dollars on military efforts. The greatest expenditures would be for liniments and medications for pulled arm and shoulder muscles. The international playing fields would be leveled with one arm wrestler representing each country. It might be possible for the president of a tiny country to take on the world’s giants as armaments are replaced with simple human arms. It would be a great day for underdogs. In our own country, the right to bear arms would be second in importance to the right to bare arms and wrestle. We would finally be able to tell people, complaining about their problems, "Get a grip" — and really mean it.
