As it turns out, the ultimate control freak in George Orwell’s novel, "1984" — "Big Brother" — didn’t show up on time. However, we do have "Big Baggage Critic" and he’s just as scary. According to Reuters news services, "An airline passenger has complained to U.S. authorities that a government baggage screener left a note in his suitcase criticizing his lack of patriotism after finding a ‘No Iraq War’ sign inside his bag." Apparently, a screener with the Transportation Security Administration slipped a note into the suitcase, which read, "Don’t appreciate your anti-American attitude!" TSA officials are investigating the incident. If the practice of leaving notes inside our luggage becomes an acceptable activity, airport baggage screeners could eventually become bizarre combinations of fashion police and lifestyle critics. They would be able to monitor and make comments about most aspects of our lives as revealed through the items we pack — our medical prescriptions, hair-coloring products, reading choices and articles of clothing. Going through baggage inspections would be like being a kid again and having picky parents hovering about for life. Men who choose to wear what’s referred to as "full Cleveland" — shiny, white belts and matching white shoes — and the rest of us would be at the baggage screener’s mercy. In the cases of really bad dressers, it might be possible to arrive at lonely destinations in faraway cities, only to be buried in avalanches of critical notes when suitcases are opened. Life couldn’t seem more miserable for some unfortunate travelers lacking a sense of fashion. The notes from the baggage screeners turned clothes police would vary with each airline passenger. "It has been brought to our attention that you have packed a disproportionate number of plaids and stripes in your suitcase. It will be difficult to hold up your head as a proud American if you should decide to mix the two designs at the same time. Tacky!" "Blue eye shadow? What ARE you thinking? That’s so last century!" "Although we were pleased to find no contraband materials, such as explosives or guns, in your suitcase, we were disappointed to find the lime green sports jacket. We feel that if you can afford to fly you should be able to buy more tasteful clothing, but that, of course, is our personal opinion." "We couldn’t help but notice that most of your clothes are beige and that there are no hints of lively colors in your traveling wardrobe. Although this is a free country and you are entitled to dress in bland tones, we do think that a little touch of color here or there will rejuvenate your appearance, if not your outlook on life. Boring!" "I was shocked and appalled! Do you call this accessorizing? I think NOT!" A few travelers, craving personal attention in an impersonal world, might appreciate the notes in their suitcases. They might even feel safe. As far as the rest of us are concerned, it’s one thing to have vinyl-gloved, complete strangers at airports rummaging through our dirty laundry and possibly scrutinizing the size tags on our clothing. It’s quite another to be subjected to their personal opinions.
