Goldfish are in the news. It should also be noted that much of the goldfish news isn’t for the squeamish, particularly small children who have just seen "Finding Nemo", card-carrying members of any animal rights group, or any person whose best friend has gills and fins. Until their dramatic splashes in the art world and the recent remarks made about them by a sewage-treatment spokesperson, goldfish seemed destined to lead simple, fairly uneventful lives. They hatched without knowing their parents, they ate, they swam around in endless circles and they were eventually flushed away. According to The Week magazine, "an artwork in which viewers were invited to liquefy live goldfish in a blender did not constitute cruelty to animals, a Danish judge has ruled." The controversial, interactive display at the Trapholt Art Museum in Kolding, Denmark, featured goldfish swimming in 10 blenders and visitors were invited to flip the "on" switches. At least one person did, creating what must have appeared to be goldfish mousse. The artist wanted to make people "do battle with their conscience" and "choose between life and death." Both the blender manufacturer and the judge agreed that the goldfish had met their untimely ends "humanely" and "instantly." Although goldfish lack the slobbering tongues or cuddling abilities of dogs or cats, they have managed to inspire one of our favorite expressions — "I’m tired of living in a fish bowl!" Yet we really don’t know what it’s like to swim nonstop our entire lives. If we truly lived in fish bowls, our greatest excitement would be the possibility of taking a wrong turn and colliding with a tiny castle or a miniature deep-sea diver, both ceramic, on the bottom of an algae-filled aquarium. Some people might argue that their lives are similarly meaningless, but at least they have the opportunities to sleep and blink their eyes whenever they want. It’s not that some goldfish haven’t had rather remarkable endings. College students used to swallow them alive at the same time their classmates were stuffing themselves into small cars and phone booths. On other occasions, fish bowls have been knocked to the floor by rambunctious children Overeating seems to be the most common cause of death for goldfish but we really can’t point our fingers. As a nation, we appear to be following their example. Goldfish owners know the meaning of terror. There’s nothing like standing next to a toilet bowl with a small child, dumping the limp remains of their pet into the water, and suddenly seeing the fish spring back to life. Should we reach into the water with our bare hands and return the fish to its fish bowl or should we tell "the sewer pipe story"? "The sewer pipe story", according to generations of parents, is that the fish will somehow navigate through countless miles of water pipes connecting the bathroom and the ocean, where they will frolic and find true happiness. Not so, a sewage-equipment manufacturer foolishly blurted to the press recently. Contrary to what happens in the movie "Finding Nemo", flushing fish down toilets will not send them to freedom in the ocean. The manufacturer, who obviously doesn’t believe in sugar-coating facts for children, noted that the fish actually pass through sewage-treatment machines that "shred solids into tiny particles." Given that choice, a blender might be nicer.
