Some family legends seem to last forever. After many years, my relatives are still chuckling about one young couple, who headed for their newly carpeted bedroom at the end of a long workday. The husband settled into bed first. Instead of joining him, his young bride, who later related the story, began picking up conspicuous pieces of white, fluffy stuff from the dark blue carpeting. Her search seemed to go on indefinitely as she bent down here and there, picking up the lint balls as if they were so many strawberries. Her impatient groom finally blurted out, "What’s the deal, are you giving up sex for lint?" It now appears the nameless, young woman (who may or may not have been my sister-in-law) chose the handpicking lint method over standard vacuuming for a good reason. She must have foreseen a recent vacuum cleaner study at the University of Nebraska. According to Time magazine, researchers at the school decided to figure out why so many women patients at their clinic complained of angina (heart disease-related chest pain) while vacuuming. In addition to finding that vacuuming is "indeed a taxing task" — a no-brainer for anyone who has ever vacuumed — the researchers recommend that women with heart disease use self-propelled upright cleaners. Their solution is easier said than done. It’s not human nature to trade in any household appliance before its time. As in any long lasting relationship based on unconditional loyalty, we fail to see the gradual changes brought about by time. Many homemakers use clothes washers without final spin cycles, clothes dryers that sound like cement mixers and toasters that char bread slices beyond recognition. To further complicate matters, a good number of appliance owners live with appliance revivalists, who religiously believe that all appliances have life after death. According to their beliefs, no appliance should be thrown out before its time. Another used electrical cord, an on-off switch from another broken-down appliance and limitless amounts of electrical tape are all they need to keep the faith. After years of tinkering done to their systems, some appliances barely resemble their original factory designs. They gradually evolve into mechanized mutants. Another problem with the University of Nebraska study is that many women don’t know if they have heart disease. They’re too busy vacuuming or operating other household appliances to make an appointment to find out. An alternate solution might be the one used when we planned to carpet the living room of a farmhouse. After scattering brown carpet samples on the dirt driveway, we came up with a perfect match. As a result, dirt tracked in from the outside couldn’t be seen and risking a heart attack while vacuuming became less of a threat. Actually, any solution would be better than being found on the living room floor in an unflattering pose with a vacuum cleaner handle still clenched in one hand and a dust rag in another. It would be much more satisfying to meet one’s end while biting into a large wedge of chocolate fudge, surrounded by dust bunnies. Before the dust settles on the Nebraska study, we might want to think twice before we do any more vacuuming.
