Much can change in three days — even divorce laws. The New Straits Times, a daily newspaper in Kuala Lumpur, reported on July 28 that Malaysian Muslim men could divorce their wives through text messages on mobile telephones. Short messaging service was viewed as just another form of serving written notice, according to a religious court, and the effects of such a ruling seemed perfect for a column. If a Malaysian Muslim husband keeps getting busy signals when he tries to reach out and divorce somebody, I reasoned, he can still rely on the traditional method of driving home, standing in front of her and declaring "I divorce you" three times. In many cases, those may not be the three little words a woman wants to hear. "I love you" or even "Where’s the remote?" would be preferable in most cases. Getting a divorce in Malaysia may be easier said than dialed. Several things might go wrong when a mobile phone is used for a proclamation of divorce. For starters, the divorce message could be speed dialed incorrectly with a single key and the bad news might be received by an employer or a mother-in-law, who was never fond of the mis-dialer in the first place. Hasty decisions might be regretted later. Text messages, which can be relayed instantly, may not allow divisive issues to be thought out completely. Too much starch in a shirt collar may be irritating at work, but normally it’s something that can be forgotten on the way home. Incomplete calls would also create problems. A phone battery may give out or the words could be half-transmitted when the caller drives through one of those dreaded "no service available" zones. A message reading, "I wish to di...," would confuse any wife. He may wish to die, dine with her or he may wish to divulge some secret to her. To make matters worse, she can’t return his call. In order to keep her marriage intact, a wife might take several precautions to avoid divorce. She could replace her husband’s charged phone battery with a dead one while he’s sleeping or in the shower. If she’s not comfortable with replacing batteries, she might inexplicably lose or misplace the phone while it’s in the house. The phone service could be disrupted if she innocently misplaces the bill from the phone company. Last, but not least, she could simply refuse to answer the phone when her husband is away. With this scenario, no news is good news. Because of universal restrictions regarding the use of cell phones, a Malaysian Muslim wife might relax and not fear receiving a divorce message when her husband is doing any of the following activities — taking a plane trip, walking near certain medical equipment in hospitals, fueling a car at a gas station, or standing near a blasting site. An ideal husband would be unable to send a divorce message if he would do all of those things on a regular basis. Of course, if a husband isn’t the type to divorce by phone, there’s still the possibility he might simply say, "I divorce you," three times when he comes home. Even that method can’t be foolproof. What if the wife has a habit of "tuning out" her husband when he speaks? What if she’s hard of hearing and thinks she hears, "I adore you?" On July 31, the Malaysian government overturned the religious court’s ruling and the Muslim men in that country now have one less divorce option. It might be easier to stay married.
