This is the week we celebrate what some people call work and other people call labor. For one woman in England, work isn’t really work until she goes into labor. She’s a full-time surrogate mother. According to The Week magazine, the 36-year-old woman has given birth to eight babies in eight years. She is paid up to $8,000 for carrying each child, with a good share of her income going for maternity clothing. Supposedly, each new adventure with morning sickness, stretch marks and swollen feet is worth "the joy of helping infertile couples." Personally, my own idea of helping an infertile couple would be offering to mow their lawn or delivering a couple dozen home-baked cookies to their front door. "When I’m not pregnant," swooned the surrogate mother, "I feel like I’ve been fired from a job I love." Those words let us know that we are dealing with someone quite different from the rest of us. Any woman who would say "pregnant" and "love" in the same breath would undoubtedly stretch the truth about another things. She would also exaggerate about the joys of jogging on sun-baked asphalt in 100-degree heat, exercising until her heart-rate doubles or smiling through bikini waxing sessions. On the flip side, there might also be certain advantages to being a full-time surrogate mother. According to a recent Gallup Poll, 16 percent of Americans see obesity as evidence of a character flaw, but saying, "I just had a baby", is a perfect excuse for those critics. Smuggling a few extra pounds onboard would never be a problem when you’re constantly "eating for two." You would always be amused by the reactions of people who ask, "What are you hoping for, a boy or a girl?", and they’re told, "Actually, a new dishwasher." With "the glow of pregnancy" constantly in effect, you could cut down on light bulb purchases and reduce electrical bills substantially. You can live with other families, all waiting for their children to be delivered, and cut down on housing costs completely. You could land a second job, receive regular checks and never have to report for work because you could go on paid maternity leave for 15 to 20 consecutive years. Few bosses would anticipate hiring an employee wishing to have that many children. In order to keep your business, the local medical center might offer you incentives similar to those in a frequent flyer program. They might also adopt a punch card plan where, after receiving nine punches, a 10th delivery would be totally free. While you’re always pregnant with other people’s children, you would never have to stand next to a sink and wash dishes after another family get-together. Someone is guaranteed to look at you and say, "Take a load off your feet and rest a while." You would never have to wear another uncomfortable, tight-fitting waistband. Perennial pregnancies might also be a good excuse to avoid strenuous exercising, marathon running and invitations to climb high, treacherous mountains. It would be a free pass to avoid things you don’t want to do. Given these advantages, any pregnancy might be a joyful experience.
