To sweat or not to sweat? That may be the question soon facing all men, especially those living in Murfreesboro, Tenn. Based on two separate magazine stories, which I happened to read recently, the answers will vary. It will all depend upon how much men want to keep their jobs and how much they care about the mood-swings of women in their lives. Most men might not even be aware that the question exists. According to The Week magazine, the Tennessee community now requires its city employees "to smell good while on the job." The "good hygiene" policy states that "no employee shall have an odor generally offensive to others." When asked how the new rule will be enforced, one councilman answered, "We’ll know it when we smell it." The immediate reaction of the city employees might be to have their entire bodies dipped into some powerful antiperspirant and deodorant mixture, not unlike a human type of sheep dip. Other employees might argue that body odors, like beauty, are in the nose, rather than the eyes, of the beholder. Others will look for new employers with less sensitive noses. Male employees of Murfreesboro should also know that a new University of Pennsylvania study has found that the basic scent of male perspiration odors "brightened women’s moods, relaxed them and even triggered changes in hormone levels." In other words, if a woman is feeling blue, she should search out the nearest construction site or exercise center and sniff a sweaty man. The only problem with feeling better by sniffing is that she might also experience an insatiable desire to reproduce. Like most medicines prescribed to elevate moods, male perspiration does have its surprise side effects. Until now, wives of city employees in Murfreesboro probably didn’t know why they felt so good. Their perspiring husbands would come home from long days of hard work, and the wives would miraculously stop fretting about the nagging, little problems in their own lives. Built-up wax on the kitchen floors, malfunctioning household appliances and noisy children underfoot were no longer monumental concerns. If "good hygiene" policies are adopted in other cities, one effect might be positive — stock prices for manufacturers of soaps, deodorants, antiperspirants, perfumes and aftershave lotions will soar. However, it will only be a matter of time before serious problems develop for women living with odor-free men. Normally harmless lunches "out with the girls" might turn into vicious food fights as tempers continue to be unabated by the scents of sweaty males. Grocery store rage, typified by hurled heads of cabbage in produce sections and intentional cart collisions, will spread to hair salons, public libraries, hospitals and other places. Women in our part of the country, traditionally known for their "Midwestern nice", will become openly hostile. Home-cooked meals will be scorched and tempers will flare for apparently no reason. City councils and businesses throughout the U.S. should think twice before they follow the example set by Murfreesboro and begin altering women’s mood swings with "good hygiene" policies for their employees.
