Drug war-torn Colombia may become a very different place when its main export becomes lingerie, specifically push-up bras and thongs. According to Reuters news services, "Some 900 peasant women in Colombia are set to make racy lingerie and sell it to French supermarket Carrefour under a U.N.-backed program aimed at encouraging impoverished farmers and their families to stop growing drug crops." The innovative anti-drug action may be the most exciting thing to happen in agriculture since Johnny Appleseed crossed our country, planting all of those apple trees. It’s not a surprise that a French supermarket chain is involved in the deal. After all, $2.5 billion was spent on lingerie in France in 2002 and a recent survey showed that more than 80 percent of French people consider lingerie to be one of life’s necessities, not unlike water or food. Until the rest of the world shows its support and/or its need of support, the push-up bras and thongs will only be sold at Carrefour’s 12 stores in Colombia. The new lingerie factories will hopefully decrease crime normally associated with illegal drug trafficking, so fewer people should be busted. In spite of the decrease, there will definitely be more hold-ups among its customers, especially if underwired cups are involved. This could be the very first U.N.-backed lingerie program of its kind. Given the speed that it raced through the U.N., the lingerie-for-drugs program didn’t have to go through the scrutiny of the U.N. Security Council, where it’s almost impossible to get a go-ahead to muddle in other countries’ affairs. The money earned making undergarments in former coffee factories might not completely deter farmers from growing more lucrative drug crops, but it’s a start. However, once the Colombian peasant women take a few "factory seconds" home or take advantage of workers’ discounts in the factory outlet lingerie stores, making more money might become less of a priority for their husbands. As increasing numbers of lacy undergarments are sold in Colombian stores, residents other than the factory workers will also lose interest in the marketing of drugs. They might become more like the French and consider lingerie to be one of life’s necessities. There is always the remote possibility that some of the coffee farmers-turned-drug growers might miss the thrill and adventure of illegal drug trades. They might miss sleeping with one eye open and guns under their pillows. Perhaps they could be led to believe that lingerie is banned throughout the world and that they run the risk of being punished or even executed if they are associated in any way with the undergarment industry. What could be more undercover than undergarments? They might actually fall for the idea of forbidden Fruit of the Looms. On the downside, finding a worldwide market for the Colombian lingerie industry might turn out to be a big bust. Literally.
