"Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water," admonishes an old proverb. Its original intent was to reduce haste, but times change. An updated proverb might advise us to literally avoid waste by holding onto the bath water as well. Two newspaper stories from far corners of the world recently related how bath water and, in fact, all sewage wastes are receiving second lives in other countries. The Agence France-Presse reports that the Singapore government now lists its high-tech sewage-water conversion plant as a major tourist attraction. Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong drank a bottle of the purified water to demonstrate that it is not only safe but tasty. According to Aftenposten, sanitation officials in Oslo, Norway, have announced that they will soon create an adventure park within the city’s sewer system. The underground facilities will offer rafting, theater performances, artwork on the sewer walls and an area for weddings and parties. (Presumably this story came out before the sewage department’s annual Christmas party, and not after. Sometimes party banter can get a little out of control.) If the stories are true, this could be the solution for economic development for every town or city dotting our countryside. The smallest towns may not have sewer systems with concrete tunnels large enough to accommodate crowds of thousands, or even fancy water purification filters. However, they do have large holding ponds just sitting out in the country, doing nothing but taking up room and digesting wastes. By turning the holding ponds for sewage into attractive tourist attractions, we can make it possible for the sewage systems to work for us and pay for themselves at the same time. One of our most valuable resources, wastewater, will no longer swirl down the drain, never to be seen again. It’s time to look at the sewage settling ponds for what they can be — potential tourist traps. From a distance, the ponds are already attractive. The "Danger: No Swimming or Fishing" signs could be thrown away and the ponds could easily become water parks, complete with themes, water slides, wave machines and lifeguards. Borrowing heavily on the names of well-advertised, larger theme parks, the converted settling ponds and their attractions could be called Sewer World or Six Flags over the Septic System. Upscale tourists might be drawn to a park name such as Water Redux or even Second Chance Water Park. One clever idea might be to create a Casablanca Water Park, where its media spokesman would be a Humphrey Bogart look-alike and its catchy motto would be, "Spray it again, Sam." Creativity is what it’s all about. Carnival-like rides at the water parks could have clever names such as, "The Spinning Toilet Bowls," "The Plumber’s Helper" and "The Sewer Snake," the latter advertised as, "A spiraling thrill ride, guaranteed to take your breath away and leave you gasping for air!" Finally, the sewage holding ponds might serve as attractive settings for floating gambling casinos. What more natural setting could there be for shooting craps and royal flushes? Turning sewage settling ponds into tourist attractions is an idea too good to go to waste.
