Now more than ever, Mattel’s Barbie doll needs a reality check. In light of her recent separation from Ken, rumors are flying around and they need to be examined. According to the Associated Press, "After 43 years as one of the world’s prettiest pairs, the perfect plastic couple is breaking up." A well-placed source from Mattel explains, "Barbie and Ken feel it’s time to spend some quality time — apart." At first glance, it’s Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck (the couple also known as Bennifer) all over again — a girl who likes to change outfits often and a guy who always seems to have the same expression on his face. However, after 43 years, Kenarbie hardly had a whirlwind romance. Theirs was more of a "no weather in the forecast" kind of relationship. A few of us, who have been observing the couple throughout the years, would like to ask, "Weren’t they married? What about those beautiful wedding dresses? Shouldn’t Kenarbie stick this out for seven more years and be able to celebrate their golden anniversary?" Things between them must be pretty serious to give up frosted sheet cakes, molded cream cheese candies, crepe paper streamers and balloons. A spokesman for Mattel explained to the AP that Ken was reluctant to marry and "all those bridal Barbie dolls in toy chests around the globe are really just examples of Barbie’s wishful thinking." (It must be something like the two-piece bathing suits and tight shoes some of us keep in the backs of our closets.) Another problem bothering Kenarbie fans who aren’t mathematically challenged is Barbie’s age. Because she made her first public appearance in 1959 at the New York Toy Show, people assume that was also the day she was born. They think she will soon be 45. Actually, given the fact that she appeared to be 18 or older in 1959, her real age is at least 63. That changes things considerably. Plans have been made to introduce a new look for Barbie — "Cali (short for California) Barbie." In addition to skateboarder shorts, a skimpy bikini top, metal hoop earrings and a deeper tan, Cali Barbie will have another accessory — Blaine, the Australian boogie boarder. The one obvious difference between Barbie’s two suitors is that Blaine is able to bend his knees. What’s-his-name couldn’t. What does Barbie expect? If she’s 63, then Ken is at least her age. In his defense, not being able to bend one’s knees at 63 isn’t all that rare. Perhaps Barbie should take a new look at Ken and count her blessings — he’s loyal, he still has all of his hair and he always has a pleasant smile on his face, A post-menopausal woman could do worse. And that’s what Barbie is. Since 1959 she has been everything — a swimsuit model, a rock star, a teacher, a nurse and a military medic. She has traveled to, and stayed in, 150 countries. In a real world, she would have grandchildren, varicose veins and elastic waistbands. Patricia O’Connell of Business Week magazine thinks the real reason for Kenarbie’s split is simple. "To Barbie, Ken is an accessory, just like her pink convertible or her beach house. Mattel merely extended Barbie’s consumerist mentality to her boyfriend. Besides, Ken was never all that hot." Goodbye, Ken, we’ll miss you. Hello, Blainarbie.
