The latest weight loss idea is definitely a cut above the rest. While one person might call it weight loss, most certifiably sane people might prefer to call it "do-it-to-yourself amputation." According to The Week magazine in its popular column called, "It must be true — I read it in the tabloids", "Hipsters tired of tattoos and body piercing are starting a new fashion trend — amputation. Teens are having the tips of fingers, entire fingers and even limbs cut off to impress their friends." "Tattoos and piercing are considered ‘so 1999,' " noted youth fashion expert Laura Smith. Believe it or not, we are on our way to being known as the Amputation Nation. Now that eyebrows, navels, ears, tongues, lips and the rest of Lever soap’s "2000 body parts" have been pierced, the thrill is apparently gone for many young people. The following tell-tale signs might indicate if your child is concealing any voluntary amputations from your scrutiny. It’s highly unlikely he or she will walk up to you and say, "Hey, look what I had removed! Cool, huh?" One obvious sign would be when your daughter seems to go through considerably less fingernail polish and polish remover. You have to buy new shoes for your son because his feet inexplicably seem to be shrinking rather than growing. Your teen seems much shorter and, wait a minute, where are those feet? They were there last time you looked. Your all-A student in computer keyboarding class suddenly becomes a D-student. The "pitter-patter" sound of children’s feet around your house now sounds like "pitter-thump, pitter-thump." On your way to the mall, your piano-playing adolescent asks you to look for sheet music for an upcoming recital — "Concerto for One Hand." Your teenager asks Grandma to knit some special gloves for next Christmas, specifically a left glove with three fingers and a right glove with four. Several of your sharp steak knives are missing from the kitchen. You only see one thumb at work when your child punches in numbers on the telephone. Your son can’t flash the peace sign because his index finger appears to be missing. In general, shiny surfaces in the house seem to have less fingerprint marks on cleaning days. You overhear your son joking to a friend, "Well, as my Dad says, it’s ear today, gone tomorrow." You suspect that the goofy-looking wool cap with ear flaps constantly worn by your teen may be covering up a childish attempt to resemble the artist Van Gogh. Last but not least, one of your friends said of her son, "At one time he had his father’s nose, but it’s not there anymore."
