Letter from the Farm

They were both seen in different towns miles apart, but they were signs of changing times in rural America. They advertised wonderfully strange and unusual business combinations I had never seen before. The roadside signs — tangible proof that business diversification is thriving — were sighted during recent trips I made through southwest Minnesota and northeast Iowa. The Minnesota sign stood alone on a vacant lot near the outskirts of town. It was a no-nonsense announcement, printed in bold, black letters on a white background — COMING SOON: TRUCK-CAR-PET WASH. A sign like that has a way of stirring up anyone’s imagination. The truck-car-pet wash business might be a complex plan, with one section of a building set aside for each washing specialty. Or it could merely require placing a family pet in the front seat of a vehicle and leaving the windows down during the wash, rinse and spotless spray cycles. It’s possible the owners of the new business don’t see the vehicle-pet wash plan as cruelty to animals. On a much higher level, they envision it as a water theme park for pets. The new business combination might be the end result of a small business loan issued to a married couple with two very different ideas of how the money should be spent. Car wash or pet wash? Why not both? Perhaps they recalled the time they inadvertently left a car with one window down and their adorable pet dog to the ravages of a totally automatic car wash during one of their vacations. "Feel free to leave your car and have a cup of coffee, folks," the car wash attendant had told them. "Your car will move automatically through our state-of-the-art wash and will be towel-dried by our attendants at the other side of the building. " The couple can still recall the moment, halfway through the car’s soap cycle and halfway through their coffees, when they remembered Muffy. By the time they raced along the enclosed walkway to the other side of the car wash, screaming and leaving knocked-over customers and broken coffee cups in their wake, they fully expected to find their miniature dachshund either drowned or traumatized. Instead, they found an exuberantly happy, tail-wagging Muffy, cleaner than he had ever been before. Many businesses must begin with similar inspirations. Perhaps that couple in southwest Minnesota can only dream about the days they will pore over plans for future business expansions. There might be combination washes for both vehicles and their drivers. Entire families could be showered and buffed with special family rates. The only problem now is finding a name suitable for a business that washes both vehicles and pets. He suggested "Car-Pet Wash", but she thinks that sounds like a place that cleans floor coverings. Business decisions can be difficult. The Iowa sign reading, FOR SALE — MONUMENTS AND SATELLITE DISHES, was surrounded by granite cemetery markers with blank spaces for names and dates and TV satellite dishes of every imaginable size. It seemed natural to think about the similarities of the customers in need of the two products, which were sold side by side. Customers eventually languish peacefully under both the monuments and the dishes. Both products mark the final resting places of people who appear dead or nearly dead below them. With blank eyes staring off into space and mouths slightly agape, it might be difficult to tell the difference. "Look at Aunt Harriet lying there. She looks so alive!" "Turn off the TV. Dad looks like he’s dead to the world." Grave monuments and satellite dishes are permanent and capable of withstanding any type of inclement weather, year after year. Once they’re installed, they’re rarely removed. They’re a perfect sales combination.