There might not be anyone out there who finds a newlywed's marital philosophies worth much, but I've developed a few to share anyway.
With the national divorce rate climbing toward 60 percent, I figure writing my little theories couldn't do any more harm.
I'm certainly not alone in this quest for greater marital knowledge. It seems everyone has their own ideas about the mating game and there's even a new book about people in my age group called, "The Starter Marriage," by Pamela Paul.
It talks about the late 20-and 30-something set that, at increasing rates, divorces after a year or two of "practice" and then moves on to another marriage, which may or may not last longer.
The conclusion in the book is that many people marry for the wrong reasons in the first place. It's funny that one of the reasons for marriage sometimes isn't even love.
It seems that men and women want to complete the perfect picture as much as they want the partnership marriage means. And sometimes they're just tired of dating so they settle.
Today's "starter marriage" couples soon find that it's too difficult to put in the time and effort needed to complete their notion of what happiness is. Combine that with choosing a mate based on circumstances rather than love, and you've got yourself a starter marriage made in divorce-court heaven.
I should point out that life in my home isn't always a Hallmark card. I can get snippy, he's easy to please. I'd like to eat more organic food, he'd be happy with Fruity Pebbles. I work on a computer, he works with people. He's the Rippingtons, I'm more Elton John.
I think the institution of marriage somehow turned into a version of the training bra. We give it a try when we think we're ready and wait a while. It starts to not quite feel right so we move to the next level, hoping for better support.
I also think too many people are drawn to each other because of similar interests. For example, horseback riders shouldn't marry thinking of all the time they'll spend enjoying the hobby together. Because if you're not careful in your selection, the horse might make a better companion on those long trails than your spouse.
Of course there's nothing wrong with enjoying hobbies together; it's actually important. But make sure the person beside you is right.
Another obvious issue I see is that people confuse good personalities with being good. Someone with a good personality might tell a great story or make you laugh, but common morals and a fine character should be higher on the list.
My husband and I spend many hours laughing together, but if all I wanted was a chuckle, I could practice robotic dancing in front of a full-length mirror. So I'll keep him for his kindness.
Theories like this new "starter marriage" one don't mean there's something so wrong with the 20- to 30-somethings. They've just learned, as children of the first divorce generation, to shop for spouses like cars - the right price, good miles and we're sold.
Love isn't like buying a car or trying to craft the perfect Christmas letter I guess. We at the Strong household will just keep counting on each other for happiness in our own marriage, even if it's technically still a starter.