The following thoughts by comedian George Carlin landed in my e-mail file this week.
To spare our readers from my current thoughts on community policing, the state's land negotiations or back to school shopping, it's best to fill this space with these cute little blurbs:
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in... what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
10. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
15. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
15. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
16. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
17. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
18. Do people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is NAIVE.
19. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
20. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
21. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
Have a nice Labor Day weekend and PLEASE drive slowly and carefully in school zones next week.