By Jolene Farley
Fifty years ago adoption was very different from the way it is now, according to Marilyn Nelson, Hills. She thinks things have "changed for the better."
Nelson was adopted by Harold and Ethel Sather when she was three weeks old. World War II was raging when her future parents got the call.
"My aunt, my mom and my dad collected all the war stamps they could get and went to Sioux Falls to try to get baby stuff," said Nelson.
Because of the war, civilians were allowed to purchase a limited amount of goods at one time, so they split up and went to three different stores.
Marilyn Nelson clearly remembers the moment she found out she was adopted. When she was 7 or 8 years old, she was watching a television show about children without parents.
Marilyn said she was expressing sympathy for the kids on TV. Her mother turned to her and told her she, too, was adopted.
"I remember crying," said Marilyn. "Every time I asked, they would never give me any information."
Marilyn thinks dealing with questions about her birth was difficult for her mother. "I wasn’t anyone else’s (child)," said Nelson. "I was hers." When Marilyn got that through her head, she felt better.
"I really had a good life growing up," said Nelson. "I am so thankful."
Nelson continued to ask occasionally about her birth parents, but she never really received any information from anyone until after her mom died. An aunt then asked her if she wanted to know more.
Nelson found out she was adopted through Lutheran Social Services and her mother was a twin from Iowa.
Her adoption records were closed, but Nelson asked Social Services to contact her birth mother. Nelson's birth mother chose not to see her.
"I am thinking she probably had her own family," said Nelson. "And to bring all that out after that amount of time would be hard."
Nelson said she doesn't blame her birth mother, and the only thing she regrets is she doesn’t have any medical history for her two children, Mark and Marie.
"I am content not knowing," said Nelson.
It was Nelson’s history that led her and her husband, Duane, to become foster parents themselves.
"I needed to give back what I had gotten," said Nelson. "I think I was very blessed."
After their son, Mark, graduated in 1988, the Nelson's took in their first foster child.
The Nelsons helped to raise 10 or 12 children, mostly teens, throughout the years.
Some stayed for a couple of days, some for months. Many still keep in touch with the Nelson family. Nelson said foster parenting is a wonderful experience.
She found the kids would appreciate the little things most. With some, if you asked them how their day went they were shocked. No one ever took the time to ask them that before.
The kids couldn’t believe Duane would wave good-bye every day as they left for school.
Marilyn was richly rewarded when she got a call from a former foster child who told her, "I just want to tell you I still haven’t forgotten making Christmas cookies with you".
All the kids want is to be talked to and to have someone to be there for them, according to Marilyn.
The Nelsons always encouraged the kids to see the good in their parents. They didn’t talk birth parents down.
"I truly believe every mother is doing the best that she can," said Nelson. "Some just lack parenting skills."
She turned to her own children and admitted, "I made some mistakes with you".
"You were a great mother," said Marie, quickly contradicting her mother's words.
The Nelsons want to encourage couples to look into becoming foster parents. "There are kids out there who need someone," said Marilyn